October 12, 2010
I think I've decided that if I could have any superpower, it would be time travel. Among other obvious reasons, I have this idea that I could somehow have brief entanglements with all of the now aged or aging (or yes, perhaps dead) men from previous decades that give me that little *ping* in my chest. I'd meet them right in their heyday and then recall them fondly in my twilight years. The logistics of actually flitting in and out of their lives doesn't really matter…I'm sure I'd figure it out. Oh, it's a teenage girl fantasy all right, but one that has never really gotten the axe from my subconscious. I was reminded of this vague notion while listening to the title track off of "Rain Dogs" tonight. That song sends me right back to some inchoate place in me that is still eighteen, heading off down a pair of railroad tracks into the wild unknown. So then I was watching old videos of Tom Waits and thinking…man, I wish I lived in another decade. But ALL of them. Age…it's a funny thing all right. The slight flexibility of age in Korea is somehow freeing to me. I am two years older here, which means that fighting each passing month and scraping to hold onto a lower number for as long as possible suddenly seems irrelevant. Sometimes I like to pretend that we all emerged from caves at some point and have no concept of precise age. Well, I admit that I came up with that scenario as the months spiraled closer to February last year and I plotted my escape to an island on the other side of the world in time to avoid publicly ending my twenties, among other things. Somehow, such numerical precision seems to allow for a lot of slightly cruel social gauging. I don't really care, I suppose, anymore. But I admit that I am absolutely petrified of the physical aging process because there's just no arguing with that.